Sex Talk

Long Distant Relationships

Question from a freshman male student at Berkeley College: My current girlfriend of 8 months is going away to Boston University. And she wants to stay with me when she does go away...And im afraid that she is going to play me, because thats what people tell me all the time that when a girl who dorms away and has a boyfriend, it really doesnt last. She told me she is not that type of girl to do that. And i asked her if she wants to be single during her first year of college and she said no...but i dont know if i know that she wont play me when she goes away to college.

Dr. Caron's Answer: While long distance relationships can be tough, some of the best ones are based on a solid foundation of friendship - which you are building with her now. I would trust her when she says she wants to continue your relationship rather than listen to what other people who are outside your relationship are saying. You are dating her - not them. While you are right about how sometimes being apart does not "make the heart grow fonder", on the other hand, a relationship that has a solid foundation of trust, honesty, love and caring can continue to flourish despite the distance. While there are no guarantees of faithfulness or longevity in any relationship - whether she stayed with you on the west coast or moved to the east coast by herself, it will be important to keep the lines of communication open. It may be useful to talk with her about how you are going to handle the logistics of this relationship - phoning, e-mail, visits, and spending school breaks together, as well as the long term plans for being together down the road. This may ease some concerns you have about losing her. You may also want to spend some time examining your own expectations for a dating relationship. Perhaps you would prefer to have a relationship with someone who is physically located where you are - someone to spend time with , play with, touch... it will be important to explore your own desires for a relationship and determine if a long-distance one is suited for your needs as well. Best wishes.

© 2007, Sandra L. Caron

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It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover. - Marge Piercy

American teens have the worst of all worlds...Our children are bombarded and confronted with sexual messages, sexual exploitation, and all manner of sexual criticism. But our society is by and large sexually illiterate. Faye Westheimer

Dr. Sandra L. Caron is a professor of human sexuality at the University of Maine. To submit a question to Dr. Caron or chat with your peers visit Got a question for Dr. Caron? Visit and ask away! Get a guaranteed personal and confidential response to your question: or E-Mail

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