Am I in the Friend Zone?
I met this girl about 2 months ago in a college
class. She actually seemed to show interest in me.
I dont know what her intentions were. She
began by smiling at me in the library one day. Then
she started to sit next to me sometimes and would
make conversation with me in the halls.
As soon as she came into class, she would look
back at me and do give this shy smile (which was
rather strange, because shes not a very
"girly" type girl) but not say anything. Soon she
started touching me on the shoulder, back,
sometimes when she laughed she leaned her head on
She has hugged me twice and both of these times
were when I walked her somewhere. I understand that
some girls just want friendship but what kind of a
girl tries so hard to be friends with a guy? She
gave me her contact information without hesitation
when I asked and whenever we chat online, its
basically asking questions since we dont know
much about each other.
She has never mentioned any other guy in front
of me. She usually talks about her classes or job
or whatever. Its strange because theres
this comfort and familiarity between us and she
always acts very enthusiastic (which sometimes
makes me think Im in the friend zone) and yet
I know only a few things about her and she barely
knows anything about me.
I was wondering what I should do about this
girl. She has told me about her class schedule. I
dont know if she was just making conversation
or letting me know when shes not busy. I have
the option of "running into her" after one of her
classes but I was just thinking if it would seem
creepy or too aggressive. The main problem is: she
seems like one of those girls who has a lot of guy
friends and yet no boyfriend. I mean would she even
want a relationship? Judging by what I know about
her its hard to imagine that no one has ever
asked her out before.
I'm thinking of asking her to grab lunch with me
after one of her classes (we both get out at the
same time and our classrooms are right next to each
other). I was wondering what I should talk to her
about that day...should I try to read her
more...whether she wants a relationship and all
that ...or if I should focus on expressing my
interest in her? I keep getting all sorts of advice
from people. Some say be direct before she loses
interest, some say play hard to get, some GIRLS
even told me to be her close friend first and then
progress to a relationship (no amount of convincing
will make me believe this is a good idea). To top
it off, I dont even know if she liked me. How
should I go about getting this girl?
Answer: Hello Mike!
Shit Mike. I'm just sitting here hanging my
head. Are you planning on entering a monastery and
becoming a monk? If you continue doing what you're
doing now, you're absolutely, positively guaranteed
to die a virgin. Good luck with that.
On the other hand...
You have so many huge mistakes here I just don't
know where to even start with you!
I'm guessing you're in high school and by now
you should have gained some knowledge to not be in
this situation. If so, I'm going to try to open
your eyes. If not, you're about to get some real
perspective on things. I just hope you take this to
Let's begin here: you have absolutely NO
education whatsoever about women. You're now in a
situation where you need some and you have none.
I'm going to tell you what you should have learned
by now, but that's not going to substitute for a
real education because you're going to find
yourself in 100 other situations where you're not
going to know what to do.
When I tell you what you need to do, you're
likely not going to do it either! Up until now,
you've tried to get the wrong information from the
wrong sources, listen to the wrong things and don't
even try to understand what you're trying to
Look, I'm not being hard on you simply to bust
your chops. I'm expressing frustration here. What
you don't understand this that this isn't about you
at all. It's about this poor girl. You're actually
harming her out of your ignorance. That's wrong
Mike. She doesn't deserve this - all because you've
avoided learning what you need to.
Here are at least some of the mistakes you're
making (besides not knowing what you're doing):
1) Listening to girls, thinking that they'll
ever really tell you what you want and need to know
about other girls. They won't. That's because
first, they don't date other women. They don't
really know what works and they feel totally and
completely comfortable telling you things that
don't work because they don't know.
That whole playing hard to get thing? It doesn't
work for them and it sure as hell won't work for
you. Being a girl's friend? Are you kidding me? Is
that all you want from her? Well, that's all you
get if you even start hinting at that.
Even worse, they have absolutely NO motivation
to help you! Do you think they'd do it because
they're your "friend" or because they think you're
a nice guy? Don't count on it! I can't tell you how
many girls/women I've talked to that feel totally
within their rights to mislead you! They actually
think they're doing other girls a favor by screwing
with you! That's not a joke Mike. It's a fact.
2) Worrying about whether she likes you or not.
That's a total and complete waste of your time, but
worse, it will prevent you from doing what you have
to do to start actually dating ANY girl! You can
turn interest (which this girl has in spades) into
attraction, IF You know how to do it!
3) You are so worried about her liking you
you're totally ignoring all the signals she's
throwing at you! This girl is actually SCREAMING at
you - and you're deaf to it!
4) You're waiting around instead of making a
move - a REAL move. I'm not talking about "hanging
out" like you're getting ready to do. That's what
cowards and virgins do. That's now what men who are
actually in the dating world do.
5) You have everything you need to pull the
trigger, yet there to sit.
6) You're worried about whether she wants a
relationship or not. Mike! Seriously? This is the
sole purpose that women even live! However, far
7) It makes NO difference WHAT she wants! YOU
(as the man) control what you have with her - NOT
HER! You're putting all of your own power into her
hands and trust me on this one: she does NOT want
This poor girl is on the brink of giving up, and
you're worried about what you'd say to her. Do you
see the disconnect here? You and she are on totally
Bottom line is this Mike: I've been pretty hard
on you here. It might make you angry, it might hurt
your feelings or it might push you over the edge to
go get the knowledge you're going to need to have
the rest of your life if you ever want to be
successful with women. At the very least,
hopefully, you'll stop focusing on the wrong things
and get your head into the game. This girl has done
everything in her power to try to get you to do
this and you're still worried about whether she
likes you or not.
Yes Mike. She likes you.